How to cope with the heartbreak of a failed IVF cycle

Patient: Dr. Malpani, I'm struggling to cope with the fact that my IVF cycle failed. I did everything right—followed all your instructions, took the medications on time, and we even had a good-quality embryo. I was so sure it would work.

Dr. Malpani: I understand how heartbreaking this can be. An IVF cycle is more than just a treatment; it's an emotional journey. You went through it with the hope that this would be the cycle—the one that finally works.

Patient: Exactly. We go into it thinking this will be the first and last cycle. It’s so difficult to accept when it fails.

Dr. Malpani: It feels like a loss, doesn’t it? The death of a hope, a dream. It’s the loss of what could have been, and it brings up so many questions. Should I do this again? If this cycle failed, what’s the guarantee the next one will succeed?

Patient: Yes, that's precisely what's bothering me. If this cycle didn't work, how can I be sure the next one will?

Dr. Malpani: That's a valid concern. IVF is challenging, and it's tough not to let one failure dictate our mindset. But it’s crucial to prepare for the possibility of failure before starting the treatment. It might sound pessimistic, but it’s actually a form of optimism. By setting realistic expectations, you're giving yourself room to be resilient.

Patient: I see what you're saying, but it still feels so unfair. We did everything by the book.

Dr. Malpani: You’re right, and that’s why IVF failure can be so devastating. The truth is, IVF is not just a treatment cycle—it’s also diagnostic. It provides us with invaluable information that no other test can offer. For example, how good are your eggs? Do they form quality embryos? Are the sperm capable of fertilising the eggs effectively?

Patient: So you're saying that even a failed IVF cycle gives us useful information?

Dr. Malpani: Exactly. We learn so much from each cycle. If your uterus responds well, if the embryos grow as they should—these insights guide us for the next step. If the cycle fails, we analyse everything—what drugs were used, the quality of embryos, even your hormone levels. It’s not just about one failed attempt; it's about understanding what went right and what didn't, so we can improve your chances next time.

Patient: That makes sense. But it still feels like we wasted so much effort.

Dr. Malpani: It’s not wasted. This cycle has given us information that can shape the next steps. For instance, if we found that your eggs didn't grow well, we might consider Plan B, like using donor eggs. This data helps us make more informed decisions moving forward.

Patient: So, you're saying that with every cycle, we get closer to understanding what works best for me?

Dr. Malpani: Exactly. Sometimes, the first cycle is about learning—it's about collecting medical details and using them to tailor the next cycle. The second cycle often becomes easier because we have been there before. We know what to expect, and we can adjust our approach to improve the chances of success.

Patient: That does give me some hope. It's still hard, but at least there's a path forward.

Dr. Malpani: Absolutely. Failure is not final. It’s a learning process. By gathering information from this cycle—like ultrasound images, embryo photos, hormone levels—we arm ourselves to better understand how to approach the next cycle. This increases your chances of success.

Patient: Thank you, Dr. Malpani. I think I needed to hear that this isn't the end, but a part of the journey.

Dr. Malpani: You’re welcome. Remember, it’s okay to feel heartbroken. But also remember, you’re gathering invaluable knowledge. It’s a tough journey, but with each step, we move closer to success.